I'm sick....
....of not knowing what I want.
....of this feeling - the kind that feels like I'm floating through life surrounded by nothingness.
...of missing him but not missing him. 7/26/2006 10:16:00 PM
....of this feeling - the kind that feels like I'm floating through life surrounded by nothingness.
...of missing him but not missing him. 7/26/2006 10:16:00 PM
I have a confession.
I've had a glum few months. Some days I haven't felt like getting up from in front of the television or even getting out of bed. Some days I've been having those fantasies like in 'High Fidelity'. You know, those mad fantasy sequences like head butting my boss or just grabbing my bag and running out of the office while saying "I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad." over and over again. Most nights I can't sleep unless I'm listening to music to stop me listening to my thoughts. Some days I lost my will to do anything. Some days I wanted to die.
The last week has been better. I have been feeling a little more at ease with myself and have been realising that I can change the things I despise and learn to live with those minor upsets. I have actually been feeling relieved to be without him. I don't want to speak ill of him, but let's just say there's a difference between booksmarts and just having commonsense.
I've been immersing myself in music, and books, and websites, and creativity. I've been filled again with wonderful ideas about what I want to do, what I want to achieve and what I want to become.
The pessimist in me says that all these ideas are only going to lead to the depression again because there is no way I can achieve most of these. The idealist in me says "why not try".
But for now, I think I'll just keep falling asleep with my headphones on just to be safe.
Psssstttttt: to that person I had the D&M with the other night - I working against that boring existence I've been gravitating towards. 7/01/2006 09:40:00 PM
The last week has been better. I have been feeling a little more at ease with myself and have been realising that I can change the things I despise and learn to live with those minor upsets. I have actually been feeling relieved to be without him. I don't want to speak ill of him, but let's just say there's a difference between booksmarts and just having commonsense.
I've been immersing myself in music, and books, and websites, and creativity. I've been filled again with wonderful ideas about what I want to do, what I want to achieve and what I want to become.
The pessimist in me says that all these ideas are only going to lead to the depression again because there is no way I can achieve most of these. The idealist in me says "why not try".
But for now, I think I'll just keep falling asleep with my headphones on just to be safe.
Psssstttttt: to that person I had the D&M with the other night - I working against that boring existence I've been gravitating towards. 7/01/2006 09:40:00 PM