Sometimes the butterflies are so bad, that I'm afraid if I open to speak there would be no words - just lovely butterflies to fill the room.
6/27/2004 01:51:54 AM
I've just finished reading "Jennifer Government" (it's a great read, just in case you were wondering).
Now I'm having trouble deciding what I'll read next. Do I read another novel - like "High Fidelity", "Porno", "A Hundred Years of Solitude", "Mrs Dalloway" - or do I read something with a big more substance - "A Monk and Two Peas", "The War on God", "Germs", "The Female Eunich"?
I'm an impulse book buyer. I have so many unread books on my shelves that I've now sworn that I will not buy another book (exc. textbooks, of course). So this winter break is going to be a read-a-thon - along with with a lot of other things (like finally thinking about getting that zine off the ground, starting my photography/art portfolio, starting on the screenplay, learning that language I always say I'm going to learn). Yes, I know six weeks isn't a long time to do all of these things, but enough time to start on them and decide if I really want to do all/any of them.
So if you've got any suggestions (about books to read - the likelyhood is I'll have them on my bookself - or about anything else), inspirations, or plans you want to let me know about, feel free to leave me a message. 6/20/2004 06:41:04 PM
Now I'm having trouble deciding what I'll read next. Do I read another novel - like "High Fidelity", "Porno", "A Hundred Years of Solitude", "Mrs Dalloway" - or do I read something with a big more substance - "A Monk and Two Peas", "The War on God", "Germs", "The Female Eunich"?
I'm an impulse book buyer. I have so many unread books on my shelves that I've now sworn that I will not buy another book (exc. textbooks, of course). So this winter break is going to be a read-a-thon - along with with a lot of other things (like finally thinking about getting that zine off the ground, starting my photography/art portfolio, starting on the screenplay, learning that language I always say I'm going to learn). Yes, I know six weeks isn't a long time to do all of these things, but enough time to start on them and decide if I really want to do all/any of them.
So if you've got any suggestions (about books to read - the likelyhood is I'll have them on my bookself - or about anything else), inspirations, or plans you want to let me know about, feel free to leave me a message. 6/20/2004 06:41:04 PM
I had a dream last night that I was in this gift store picking up a gift for somebody (who I do not know). Well, I decided on a box of fruit crystals (don't ask me) and a beautiful box of marzipan items - four cup cakes, a fruit cake and I think an apple as well, all made of marzipan!!. Anyway, whilst I was waiting at the counter there was this japanese lady with a child in the trolley who kept hitting me with the trolley. Everytime I'd move over, she'd move too. I was pushing the trolley back towards her and trying to explain that she was hitting me but she was blank-eyed like a zombie and kept turning her head away from me.
Now I have two theories on this dream:
Firstly, it's my subconscious telling me I haven't really got over the hurt from that whole "Dave" (an Asian girl who pretended to be a guy and sucked me in. I'm a sucker!) scenario. And that it's something I can't get away from no matter how hard I try to.
The second theory is that it's the universe trying to tell me to learn japanese. 6/20/2004 11:18:49 AM
Now I have two theories on this dream:
Firstly, it's my subconscious telling me I haven't really got over the hurt from that whole "Dave" (an Asian girl who pretended to be a guy and sucked me in. I'm a sucker!) scenario. And that it's something I can't get away from no matter how hard I try to.
The second theory is that it's the universe trying to tell me to learn japanese. 6/20/2004 11:18:49 AM
I wish you could hear the dialogue that was going on in my head. I wish I could hear the dialogue going on inside your head.
I hear myself saying I'm fragile, and all I want to hear is that you'll be there to keep me together. When I say I'm not sure of something, I want to hear that you think I'm capable of anything, that it's possible for me to do absolutely anything I set my mind to and that you'll be there to support me every step of the way. When I say I love you, even though I might have said it a dozen times before, all I want to hear is that you love me too.
And everything in my head is jumbled. Because I do want to hear all the right things, but there's a possibility that if I do hear them it may just bring a complication that distance may only amplify.
My mother has been giving me a hard time about you lately. Basically saying everything she's always said - that you're not who you say you are, that you're just pretending to be someone else. I've been hurt by lies before by someone on here, so if I can put my faith in this why can't she?
She asked me if I was going to move down to Melbourne to be with you when you come over. I told her that was getting a bit far ahead of me. To assume that you would constantly want me available to you down there, to be only a short time away. I'm thinking a move might do me good though, for reasons other than being there when you are. I guess it's about time I started standing on my own two feet, and I loved Melbourne. Why not move there? Maybe I should move to the other side of the country and just get away from my parents. They keep saying they want me out, why not halfway across the country? 6/15/2004 11:09:22 PM
I hear myself saying I'm fragile, and all I want to hear is that you'll be there to keep me together. When I say I'm not sure of something, I want to hear that you think I'm capable of anything, that it's possible for me to do absolutely anything I set my mind to and that you'll be there to support me every step of the way. When I say I love you, even though I might have said it a dozen times before, all I want to hear is that you love me too.
And everything in my head is jumbled. Because I do want to hear all the right things, but there's a possibility that if I do hear them it may just bring a complication that distance may only amplify.
My mother has been giving me a hard time about you lately. Basically saying everything she's always said - that you're not who you say you are, that you're just pretending to be someone else. I've been hurt by lies before by someone on here, so if I can put my faith in this why can't she?
She asked me if I was going to move down to Melbourne to be with you when you come over. I told her that was getting a bit far ahead of me. To assume that you would constantly want me available to you down there, to be only a short time away. I'm thinking a move might do me good though, for reasons other than being there when you are. I guess it's about time I started standing on my own two feet, and I loved Melbourne. Why not move there? Maybe I should move to the other side of the country and just get away from my parents. They keep saying they want me out, why not halfway across the country? 6/15/2004 11:09:22 PM
I don't really get the motivation to post much these days. I think I may go back to getting in the habit of writing into my ol' fashioned journal, and then reappear here when the need arises. So if I'm quiet, I haven't dropped off the face of the planet, jut having some quiet self-reflection time. I'm in love (like you didn't all know) and I think I just need to clarify my boundaries of what's suitable for me to post on here. It's nearly holiday time, and I'm so glad. I'm sure work will be getting me to work my "a double snake" off (I need the money), but I'm looking forward to getting stuck into some projects I want to get off the ground. Love to you all. I'll be around, just casually infrequently.
6/08/2004 10:22:16 PM
Why do we all long to hear those three little words (I love you) that make the world a-okay?
6/06/2004 06:20:54 PM
If I were a month, I would be: March
If I were a time of day, I would be: 7am
If I were a planet, I would be: Jupiter
If I were a sea animal, I would be: Whale Shark
If I were a direction, I would be: North-East
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: a day bed
If I were a sin, I would be: vanity
If I were a historical figure, I would be: Cleopatra
If I were a stone, I would be: moonstone
If I were a tree, I would be: a parlour palm
If I were a bird, I would be: a puffin
If I were a tool, I would be: a potting wheel
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a sunflower
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: the calm before the storm.
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a dziwozony or changeling
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a double bass
If I were an animal, I would be: human
If I were a color, I would be: burnt pink
If I were an emotion, I would be: dread
If I were a vegetable, I would be: a zucchini
If I were a sound, I would be: your breath as your sleeping
If I were a car, I would be: hummer
If I were a song, I would be: Nobody Girl - Ryan Adams
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Sofia Coppola
If I were a book, I would be written by: Enid Blyton
If I were a food, I would be: carbonara
If I were a place, I would be: New York City
If I were a material, I would be: suede
If I were a taste, I would be: orange
If I were a scent, I would be: a candle burning
If I were a religion, I would be: no longer atheist
If I were a word, I would be: contradictory or liaison
If I were an object, I would be: a pen
If I were a body part, I would be: that place on your neck just below your ear
If I were a facial expression, I would be: a heartwarming smile
If I were a subject in school, I would be: Media Studies/English
If I were a comic book character, I would be: either Sara James (They're all necro-nerds and Sand freaks. They think death is romantic. Death is hard and cold and ugly, not some cute chick.) or Julie Winters (I mean, guys are saying that sometimes no means yes, and honestly, sometimes it does. But I don't think for one second that any guy who's pulled himself off a crying woman has been mistaken for one minute about what she wanted.) from the Maxx
If I were a shape, I would be a: perfect circle
If I were a number, I would be: a statistic
6/06/2004 01:18:56 PM
If I were a time of day, I would be: 7am
If I were a planet, I would be: Jupiter
If I were a sea animal, I would be: Whale Shark
If I were a direction, I would be: North-East
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: a day bed
If I were a sin, I would be: vanity
If I were a historical figure, I would be: Cleopatra
If I were a stone, I would be: moonstone
If I were a tree, I would be: a parlour palm
If I were a bird, I would be: a puffin
If I were a tool, I would be: a potting wheel
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a sunflower
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: the calm before the storm.
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a dziwozony or changeling
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a double bass
If I were an animal, I would be: human
If I were a color, I would be: burnt pink
If I were an emotion, I would be: dread
If I were a vegetable, I would be: a zucchini
If I were a sound, I would be: your breath as your sleeping
If I were a car, I would be: hummer
If I were a song, I would be: Nobody Girl - Ryan Adams
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Sofia Coppola
If I were a book, I would be written by: Enid Blyton
If I were a food, I would be: carbonara
If I were a place, I would be: New York City
If I were a material, I would be: suede
If I were a taste, I would be: orange
If I were a scent, I would be: a candle burning
If I were a religion, I would be: no longer atheist
If I were a word, I would be: contradictory or liaison
If I were an object, I would be: a pen
If I were a body part, I would be: that place on your neck just below your ear
If I were a facial expression, I would be: a heartwarming smile
If I were a subject in school, I would be: Media Studies/English
If I were a comic book character, I would be: either Sara James (They're all necro-nerds and Sand freaks. They think death is romantic. Death is hard and cold and ugly, not some cute chick.) or Julie Winters (I mean, guys are saying that sometimes no means yes, and honestly, sometimes it does. But I don't think for one second that any guy who's pulled himself off a crying woman has been mistaken for one minute about what she wanted.) from the Maxx
If I were a shape, I would be a: perfect circle
If I were a number, I would be: a statistic
6/06/2004 01:18:56 PM
I bleached my hair today. The first time I've done that myself, not the last either I fear. It turned out a-okay, and I'm quite fond of it.
Also today, self realisation. 6/05/2004 11:17:09 PM
Also today, self realisation. 6/05/2004 11:17:09 PM
I was rearranging my clothes today (which I often do because I have so many they never tend to stay neat for long) and I came across my scarves, and my gloves, and my beanies. I couldn't help but sigh, and wish I was somewhere cold enough to actually use them.
By the way, before anyone asks, I do not know Jennifer Hawkins the new Miss Universe. 6/04/2004 09:22:06 PM
By the way, before anyone asks, I do not know Jennifer Hawkins the new Miss Universe. 6/04/2004 09:22:06 PM
I've been trying to find the perfect lyrics to explain the way I'm feeling right now (the closest I got was I'd Rather Be In Love - Michelle Branch). I can't though. All there seems to be is the rambling mess of e-mails I've been sending you lately which expose me in ways I shouldn't allow myself to be exposed, put pressures on you that I know I shouldn't put on you. You used to send me suprises all the time. Remember? Photos, and e-mails. Although I miss those things, I don't. You're career is evolving, you are evolving, we are evolving.
In the end, this didn't make much more sense than my e-mails. 6/02/2004 09:25:41 PM
In the end, this didn't make much more sense than my e-mails. 6/02/2004 09:25:41 PM