I want to open up, and try to explain what I'm feeling right now. I think you may just see them as the insecurities that always seem to surface, and I fear I may ruin everything if I let the words escape my lips. Last night I thought I'd done something wrong; that I'd said something terrible. Then I feared that the day before you'd seen parts of me I find inadequate, and that you could not find those parts attractive either. And when I say you make me happy, that's because you do. It's not that my whole world revolves around you alone, it's just that until I get to be able to actually touch you, hear your voice, see that smile I can't imagine wanting anything else than you right now. I know I have to keep doing what I'm doing and not give up hope, and keep that want/need to be with you under control. But it's oh so hard. I worry I'm falling so deeply that I'm losing track of myself.
"Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. 5/30/2004 09:41:00 AM
"Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. 5/30/2004 09:41:00 AM
Because everybody's doing it...
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal/Blogger and see what I say about you? 5/28/2004 06:07:00 PM
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal/Blogger and see what I say about you? 5/28/2004 06:07:00 PM
Because I can't think of anything original:
Thirteen random things you like:
01) Cats
02) My dogs
03) Staying up late, watching dvds
04) love
05) Melbourne
06) dreaming
07) chatting
08) writing
09) reading
10) driving with the music on loud, singing out of tune at the top of my lungs.
11) cooking
12) planning
13) laughing
Twelve movies:
01) Amelie
02) Run, Lola, Run
04) Love Actually
05) Bridget Jones's Diary
06) White Oleander
07) Gone in 60 seconds
08) Ocean's Eleven
09) America's Sweethearts
10) Donnie Darko
11) Empire Records
12) Harvey
Eleven good bands/artists:
01) Jewel
02) Alicia Keys
03) White Stripes
04) Dido
05) the Waifs
07) Kasey Chambers
08) Norah Jones
09) Blink 182
10) Alanis Morissette
11) Ryan Adams (oh my god, I nearly forgot him)
Ten things about you ... physically:
01) Female
02) 5'7
03) in desperate need of getting into shape
04) large feet
05) brown eyes
06) Blonde hair, with brown roots
07) ears pierced once
08) nails keep breaking
09) chipped toe nail polish
10) crooked fingers
Nine good friends:
01) Renee
02) Lukas
03) Tanner - Mr. Z
04) Heather
05) Trevor (I miss you!!)
06) My mother
07) Adam
08) Max
09) Jamie
Eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) Coca-cola
02) H20 - is the go
03) Bananas
04) Granny Smith Apples (they're the green skinned ones)
05) Sorbet
06) Potato chips
07) sushi
08) sweet potato
Seven things you wear daily:
01) watch
02) earrings
03) my hair up
04) clothes
05) shoes
06) the woes of the world
07) toe nail polish
Six things that annoy you:
01) Lawn mowers at 6am
02) Lecturers that ressemble Hitler.
03) Loud Mouthed People
04) My inability to just do it.
05) my paranoia
06) That money just doesn't grow on trees.
Five things you touch everyday:
01) My face
02) Refridgerator handle
03) Thomas
04) My delightful dogs
05) sink taps
Four shows you watch:
01) C.S.I.
02) C.S.I Miami
03) E.R.
04) Grounded for Life (this would be replaced with Six Feet Under if that wasn't on so goddamned late)
Three celebrities you have a crush on:
01) Colin Firth (surprise, surprise)
02) Josh Harnett
03) Noah Wylie
Two people online that you have kissed:
01) *thinks*
02) *still thinks*
One person you could spend the rest of your life with:
01) Although I'm inclined to put someone else here, I'll have to say myself. I'm stuck with me for the long haul. Unless I pop another personality out of nowhere with by the name of Roberta who will be spanish, and work in a call center. She will have 5 children and no husband. 5/28/2004 05:35:00 PM
Thirteen random things you like:
01) Cats
02) My dogs
03) Staying up late, watching dvds
04) love
05) Melbourne
06) dreaming
07) chatting
08) writing
09) reading
10) driving with the music on loud, singing out of tune at the top of my lungs.
11) cooking
12) planning
13) laughing
Twelve movies:
01) Amelie
02) Run, Lola, Run
04) Love Actually
05) Bridget Jones's Diary
06) White Oleander
07) Gone in 60 seconds
08) Ocean's Eleven
09) America's Sweethearts
10) Donnie Darko
11) Empire Records
12) Harvey
Eleven good bands/artists:
01) Jewel
02) Alicia Keys
03) White Stripes
04) Dido
05) the Waifs
07) Kasey Chambers
08) Norah Jones
09) Blink 182
10) Alanis Morissette
11) Ryan Adams (oh my god, I nearly forgot him)
Ten things about you ... physically:
01) Female
02) 5'7
03) in desperate need of getting into shape
04) large feet
05) brown eyes
06) Blonde hair, with brown roots
07) ears pierced once
08) nails keep breaking
09) chipped toe nail polish
10) crooked fingers
Nine good friends:
01) Renee
02) Lukas
03) Tanner - Mr. Z
04) Heather
05) Trevor (I miss you!!)
06) My mother
07) Adam
08) Max
09) Jamie
Eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) Coca-cola
02) H20 - is the go
03) Bananas
04) Granny Smith Apples (they're the green skinned ones)
05) Sorbet
06) Potato chips
07) sushi
08) sweet potato
Seven things you wear daily:
01) watch
02) earrings
03) my hair up
04) clothes
05) shoes
06) the woes of the world
07) toe nail polish
Six things that annoy you:
01) Lawn mowers at 6am
02) Lecturers that ressemble Hitler.
03) Loud Mouthed People
04) My inability to just do it.
05) my paranoia
06) That money just doesn't grow on trees.
Five things you touch everyday:
01) My face
02) Refridgerator handle
03) Thomas
04) My delightful dogs
05) sink taps
Four shows you watch:
01) C.S.I.
02) C.S.I Miami
03) E.R.
04) Grounded for Life (this would be replaced with Six Feet Under if that wasn't on so goddamned late)
Three celebrities you have a crush on:
01) Colin Firth (surprise, surprise)
02) Josh Harnett
03) Noah Wylie
Two people online that you have kissed:
01) *thinks*
02) *still thinks*
One person you could spend the rest of your life with:
01) Although I'm inclined to put someone else here, I'll have to say myself. I'm stuck with me for the long haul. Unless I pop another personality out of nowhere with by the name of Roberta who will be spanish, and work in a call center. She will have 5 children and no husband. 5/28/2004 05:35:00 PM
I could say so much. I could open my mouth and let words spill forth and I don't think either you or me would understand them. I could say so much. I could tell you all the things I think, and feel, and dream of and I would sound like a lunatic. I could say so much. I could try and describe all those indescribeable things I carry around with me that are not unlike a secret. I could say so much.
5/27/2004 09:48:00 PM
The song I'm addicted to at the moment (all the things I wanted to whisper before bed):
"2 Find U" - Jewel
If I asked u a question
Would u look me in the eyes?
Has our love been built on lies?
Well, why I'm asking
U see, the time is now
2 turn our backs forever
Or work this through somehow
And I want 2 see u
I want 2 feel new again
Hey, U
Do not walk away
Let's choose love, come on
What do u say?
Hey, U
Know that I would spend
My whole life all over again
2 find U
We've layered hurt on hurt
I've seen pain cloud your eyes
But we are bruised, not broken
Like a phoenix, love will rise
And do U see me?
Do u feel new again?
Hey, U
Do not walk away
Let's choose love, come on
What do u say?
Hey, U
Know that I would spend
My whole life all over again
2 find U
Look in my eyes
Kiss my mouth hard
Let your conviction
Reassure my heart
Promise me now
I'll promise U, too
I love u 5/26/2004 07:34:00 AM
"2 Find U" - Jewel
If I asked u a question
Would u look me in the eyes?
Has our love been built on lies?
Well, why I'm asking
U see, the time is now
2 turn our backs forever
Or work this through somehow
And I want 2 see u
I want 2 feel new again
Hey, U
Do not walk away
Let's choose love, come on
What do u say?
Hey, U
Know that I would spend
My whole life all over again
2 find U
We've layered hurt on hurt
I've seen pain cloud your eyes
But we are bruised, not broken
Like a phoenix, love will rise
And do U see me?
Do u feel new again?
Hey, U
Do not walk away
Let's choose love, come on
What do u say?
Hey, U
Know that I would spend
My whole life all over again
2 find U
Look in my eyes
Kiss my mouth hard
Let your conviction
Reassure my heart
Promise me now
I'll promise U, too
I love u 5/26/2004 07:34:00 AM
I guility indulged in reading the second in the Bridget Jones series, The Edge of Reason. I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I read the majority of it over the weekend, and finished the last chapter before work this morning. That Mr Darcy (wipes drool). It was great to read the book seeing as though I've been watching the movie based on the first book quite frequently in the past month. I could just picture Colin Firth, Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger (spelling? too lazy to look up) saying all the lines. The confusing part is that Bridget does and interview with Colin Firth in the book. Now Colin Firth plays the part of Mark Darcy. So it becomes a bit confusing when I'm imagining Mark Darcy as Colin Firth, and Colin Firth as Colin Firth. I can't wait until second movie. Expect it to be v. good. Must wait until December though. (I find it impossibly hard to stop talking like Bridget now). I feel empowered now. If Bridget can snare a man...
Work is getting a bit quiet, so they're cutting back my hours. I'm thinking it may be the perfect excuse to just get out of there and find a different, more exciting job. I just feel like I'm doing the same thing day in day out there. Must build more exciting self. 5/24/2004 06:54:00 PM
Work is getting a bit quiet, so they're cutting back my hours. I'm thinking it may be the perfect excuse to just get out of there and find a different, more exciting job. I just feel like I'm doing the same thing day in day out there. Must build more exciting self. 5/24/2004 06:54:00 PM
So I haven't really updated in a while. Yes I know I'm slack, but I've been trying to come up with a novel way of updating that doesn't include the words "I feel like emotional crap right now" or "I hate this world I'm stuck in".
To sound Bridget Jones-esque: Will work on update, and it will be v. good. 5/23/2004 01:08:00 PM
To sound Bridget Jones-esque: Will work on update, and it will be v. good. 5/23/2004 01:08:00 PM
Can someone get rid of this feeling of being inadequate I've had lately?
5/17/2004 08:08:00 AM
When you don't know what to update with, do a quiz:
1. What year was the best year of your life?
I would have to say 1993, grade 8 at school - the feeling that you were powerful and could become anything in life, little responsibility, and a few pounds lighter.
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark?
Although it would leave a large chunk out of the food chain, I would have to say sharks. If they did not exist I would be diving by now.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles?
I can’t remember the last time I blew out birthday candles, but yes.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive
them?
Generally, yes.
5. How many pillows are on your bed?
Four and one cushion.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Baskins & Robins Cookie Dough.
7. What is the most dominate color in your wardrobe?
I would have to say black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost?
No, but I’ve felt a presence (that could just be a psychotic episode though)
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?
A carnival, definitely.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Lunch. There’s usually no energy for breakfast, and no energy for dinner.
11. Your favorite fictional animal?
Who could get past that Lion from Narnia.
12. Have you ever flown first-class?
Hell no.
13. Would you go on a reality show?
I would have to say no. If I had a million dollar cheque waved in front of my face; who knows though.
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?
Anyone who knows me already knows the answer to this.
15. Pancakes or waffles?
Hard choice. I’d have to say crepes.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be?
I would love a loft apartment in NYC.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day?
Cauliflower or Potato & Bacon.
18. What sight is a must see for all visitors to your city?
How can you pick just one thing? There’s the reef, the rainforest and a whole lot of stuff in between. I think though, that people should visit the tablelands near here.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city?
I usually don’t eat out that much, if I do it is fast food. Perhaps the Casino, or Toscas.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see?
The Meerkats
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Which is your favorite?
Potatoes. Pasta is a close second.
22. What is the best movie that you’ve seen this year?
I don’t go to the movies, but on DVD it was Love Actually.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child?
The Magic Faraway Tree (I recently saw the book on sale and bought a copy for any children I may have).
24. What in your life are you most grateful for?
I’m going to sound big-headed, but I’d have to say my intelligence.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door?
No.
26. What is your favorite small appliance?
My electric toothbrush.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats?
Salty.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time?
A little early.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done?
Two for this one - flying to Melbourne by myself, and having enough courage to apply to university & give work my notice.
30. Have you ever met someone famous?
No, but I did see Gav & Waz from “the Block” at Sydney Airport.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child?
Hide & Seek
32. At what age have you looked your best?
I can’t answer that. I’m only 23. I’m hoping my looks only get better with age.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh?
Lukas & Murph.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought?
Cher - It’s in His Kiss (that I can remember anyway).
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be?
That my family was closer.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments?
Potato Bake or Spring Rolls.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?
Newspaper, and then Internet.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them?
Two – one friendship, one other.
39. Who recieved your first kiss?
N/A – Never Been Kissed.
40. The single most important quality in a mate?
Humility.
41. What do you value most in a relationship?
Respect.
42. Do you believe that you have a soul mate? If yes, have you already met?
I think there are people who are in your life for specific reasons at specific points in your life. So yes, I think I have met one or two of my soul mates.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized?
Work wise - yes. Personally - no.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?
As little as possible, maybe twice.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call?
No, I was merely the onlooker.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend?
The ability to take me as I am, no matter how happy or damaged I am at the time.
47. Have you ever killed an animal?
I kill every time there’s meat on my plate. Mosquitoes, plenty of times I think. Ants, by accident.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?
At that stage it was probably a Park Ranger.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife?
I like to think that all this isn’t for nothing.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life?
Finish my degree, settle down with the man of my dreams, have a wonderful career, travel in between everything else, and die content.
5/14/2004 08:58:00 PM
1. What year was the best year of your life?
I would have to say 1993, grade 8 at school - the feeling that you were powerful and could become anything in life, little responsibility, and a few pounds lighter.
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark?
Although it would leave a large chunk out of the food chain, I would have to say sharks. If they did not exist I would be diving by now.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles?
I can’t remember the last time I blew out birthday candles, but yes.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive
them?
Generally, yes.
5. How many pillows are on your bed?
Four and one cushion.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Baskins & Robins Cookie Dough.
7. What is the most dominate color in your wardrobe?
I would have to say black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost?
No, but I’ve felt a presence (that could just be a psychotic episode though)
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?
A carnival, definitely.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Lunch. There’s usually no energy for breakfast, and no energy for dinner.
11. Your favorite fictional animal?
Who could get past that Lion from Narnia.
12. Have you ever flown first-class?
Hell no.
13. Would you go on a reality show?
I would have to say no. If I had a million dollar cheque waved in front of my face; who knows though.
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?
Anyone who knows me already knows the answer to this.
15. Pancakes or waffles?
Hard choice. I’d have to say crepes.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be?
I would love a loft apartment in NYC.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day?
Cauliflower or Potato & Bacon.
18. What sight is a must see for all visitors to your city?
How can you pick just one thing? There’s the reef, the rainforest and a whole lot of stuff in between. I think though, that people should visit the tablelands near here.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city?
I usually don’t eat out that much, if I do it is fast food. Perhaps the Casino, or Toscas.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see?
The Meerkats
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Which is your favorite?
Potatoes. Pasta is a close second.
22. What is the best movie that you’ve seen this year?
I don’t go to the movies, but on DVD it was Love Actually.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child?
The Magic Faraway Tree (I recently saw the book on sale and bought a copy for any children I may have).
24. What in your life are you most grateful for?
I’m going to sound big-headed, but I’d have to say my intelligence.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door?
No.
26. What is your favorite small appliance?
My electric toothbrush.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats?
Salty.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time?
A little early.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done?
Two for this one - flying to Melbourne by myself, and having enough courage to apply to university & give work my notice.
30. Have you ever met someone famous?
No, but I did see Gav & Waz from “the Block” at Sydney Airport.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child?
Hide & Seek
32. At what age have you looked your best?
I can’t answer that. I’m only 23. I’m hoping my looks only get better with age.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh?
Lukas & Murph.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought?
Cher - It’s in His Kiss (that I can remember anyway).
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be?
That my family was closer.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments?
Potato Bake or Spring Rolls.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?
Newspaper, and then Internet.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them?
Two – one friendship, one other.
39. Who recieved your first kiss?
N/A – Never Been Kissed.
40. The single most important quality in a mate?
Humility.
41. What do you value most in a relationship?
Respect.
42. Do you believe that you have a soul mate? If yes, have you already met?
I think there are people who are in your life for specific reasons at specific points in your life. So yes, I think I have met one or two of my soul mates.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized?
Work wise - yes. Personally - no.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?
As little as possible, maybe twice.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call?
No, I was merely the onlooker.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend?
The ability to take me as I am, no matter how happy or damaged I am at the time.
47. Have you ever killed an animal?
I kill every time there’s meat on my plate. Mosquitoes, plenty of times I think. Ants, by accident.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?
At that stage it was probably a Park Ranger.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife?
I like to think that all this isn’t for nothing.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life?
Finish my degree, settle down with the man of my dreams, have a wonderful career, travel in between everything else, and die content.
5/14/2004 08:58:00 PM
I would like to thank that new movie Van Helsing. It seems there is an influx in people trying to find pictures of "Kate Beckingsdale naked" and their searches all lead them to me.
5/10/2004 07:28:00 AM
Tanner, I must apologise for adding three accounts to your forum.
On other news, I finished a three thousand word assignment today. Hopefully I bullshitted enough in it to pass. I haven't been to classes the past week and I handed in another assignment today which was a week late. I just have no energy lately, and it's really getting me down. Now it's getting cooler I think it's time I really started getting into shape. Honey, I miss you. 5/07/2004 07:28:00 PM
On other news, I finished a three thousand word assignment today. Hopefully I bullshitted enough in it to pass. I haven't been to classes the past week and I handed in another assignment today which was a week late. I just have no energy lately, and it's really getting me down. Now it's getting cooler I think it's time I really started getting into shape. Honey, I miss you. 5/07/2004 07:28:00 PM