RSM // journal

Do all Americans really think that the U S of A is the centre of the universe?
6/24/2003 07:25:00 AM

After everything that's said and done, I have to wonder if you still think of me....
6/20/2003 08:32:00 PM

I've been up since 3am - I'm braindead, my heart is empty and I'm spiritually drained. I've reached a point where I quite honestly don't give a fuck, and I'm wondering whether any of this is worth it anymore, any of it. I think I'd rather become a hermit spending my life in my bed, reading to my heart's content and never worrying about what troubles the outside world would bring. There's some things you do absolutely out of habit, even when it offends you, and you have to realise it's not worth the repulsive feeling you get. You wouldn't have to worry about the people who call you a friend, but haven't spoken to them in over twelve months, and they haven't bothered to return any e-mails you've sent, or reply to any messages you've sent. And you don't have to worry about the people who think you're paranoid because you worry so much, or you get jealous, or you just can't see things from their point of view.So I'm creatively on strike until I find that peace of mind I need.
6/13/2003 07:04:00 PM

Yeah, so I haven't been around much. Yeah, so I haven't updated. Yeah, so I've had a lot on my mind. Yeah, I know, I know - you'd love to hear from me.
6/12/2003 07:14:00 AM

"Does that boy send you e-mails when he can't talk to you?" Yes Mum, he leaves me messages. (Although he seems to avoid actually telling me anything that's going on and it just tends to be that he hopes everything is okay).
"Does that boy stay up until 3 am to talk to you, like you do for him?" No Mum, but I don't expect him to. I think his career aspects are a little more important than mine (although it would be nice to have him occassionally stay up on the weekend to see me).
"Does that boy have honest intentions?" *crooked look, loud laugh* Who knows Mum, who knows.
6/08/2003 09:08:00 AM

Men look at me. When I'm walking down the street, or passing them on a walkway they look at me. I know they do. It's not because I'm beautiful. I know I'm not stunning, or drop dead gorgeous. I think it's because I have a familiar face to them, I remind them of someone they went to school with, their sister or their distant relative of some sort. I've been told this. When I was in my early teens, children always used to adore me for the same reason, I used to have a warmness to me that drew children. After about the age of 17 this stopped. I became serious, and the determined look on my face didn't help this. I've become serious, and I only seem to smile on demand now (or when I feel genuinely happy, and that seems to be rarely these days). The few things (and people) that do make me happy, there seems to be enough of them, enough time to dwell on them or the contentment of them. It makes me a little paranoid to think that they can't be around more often. I worry that perhaps it's me that's causing them to stay away or drift away. And yes, this post is as jumbled as my thoughts right now. Hopefully I can get myself sorted out.
6/07/2003 09:27:00 PM

You want to know how I feel? Paranoid. I feel like it's all working against me and I'm never going to get out of this place. I feel like he's never going to fall for me like I want him to, and he's just playing me for a fool. I feel lightheaded, and all I want to do is sleep my life away.
6/07/2003 07:30:00 AM

I'm Just a Girl - Bachelor Girl

I might be a little, concerned with my hair.
I might need comfort, more than my share,
I might seem to follow fashion, but claim I don't care.
My heart is your best friend, when it rules my head.
I might wanna talk alot, don't ask me why,
And I'll get impatient, if you don't reply.
I might always search for something wrong, I want you to deny,
And if you love me, just stay close, and hold me when I cry.

Don't try to understand me,
I'm just a girl.
One of the greatest mysteries,
You'll find in this world.
I'm not hard to handle,
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl

I don't seek money, but I want your time,
'Cause I'd give my life for you, when you are mine.
And it hurts me more than I can say, when you pull away,
But if you love me, you should tell me everyday

Don't try to understand me
I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries
You'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle
I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl

You might think I'm too demanding
But you're just not understanding, no

I might like to take advice, but go my own way
And it's when I hurt the most, i swear i'm ok.
And it's always when you least expect, I say i wanna stay
It might take just a single kiss, to steal my heart away

Don't try to understand me
I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries
You'll find in this world
You Think I'm an X-file
But I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl

Don't try to understand me
I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries
You'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle
I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl
6/02/2003 12:00:00 AM