Okay, so I don't have an office at work anymore. They've been talking about getting this rid of the new girl one day, deciding to keep her on the next, back to the beginning. The one thing that's given me a sigh of relief today? My boss's wife saying that the reason they're keeping 'her' on is in case Andrew or I leave. Well, hell, I don't have to feel guilty about wanting to leave now.
1/30/2003 09:41:00 PM
I can feel myself starting to get depressed again. I hate the thought of going to work more and more. I have more and more trouble getting out of bed, and staying out of bed. I feel like sleeping my days away into nothingness.
I feel guilty. I feel loved. I feel mad. I feel incoherent. I feel hated. I feel pissed off.
I feel like I have so much inside to write, but at the moment I can't even begin to think about trying to write something that'll make sense to others. 1/30/2003 07:21:00 AM
I feel guilty. I feel loved. I feel mad. I feel incoherent. I feel hated. I feel pissed off.
I feel like I have so much inside to write, but at the moment I can't even begin to think about trying to write something that'll make sense to others. 1/30/2003 07:21:00 AM
You know what I love? When you go to update, and then your ISP disconnects you for no reason. When you get up in the morning you can't remember what you were going to say. Oh well.
1/30/2003 06:43:00 AM
I'm not even going to start....
1/28/2003 06:35:00 AM
At this moment, I feel so scared. So unhappy. So terribly unimportant. I know - same ol', same ol'.
I put some new stuff in the commitment section btw. 1/27/2003 06:22:00 PM
I put some new stuff in the commitment section btw. 1/27/2003 06:22:00 PM
Guess what? I'm god damned scared too.
1/27/2003 03:33:00 PM
I feel there's so much for me to say, but I've no idea how the string the words together. I'm feeling very incoherent and disorientated.
1/26/2003 09:52:00 PM
When the night-time comes you can hear
My heart calling
Calling out to you my one true love
Thinking about you all of the while
Thinking about you it’s making me smile
Honey I’m sitting on top of the world just
Thinking about you
In the morring light that’s when I’m feeling right
Another day come, another day go, another day closer till I make you my own
Honey I’m siting on top of the world
Just thinking about you
I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true
Honey I’m in love with you
I’m going to show you what I can do
Comeover here you’ve gotta be told,
My love for you is out of control
Honey I am sitting on top of the world,
Just thinking about you girl
I’m going to show you how much I care,
Marry you and take you away some where
Sit back in a rocking chair and rock all day with you my dear
Cause I love you, I love you I love you I love you
In the morrin, in the evening, in the night time or in the middle of the afternoon
I love you I love you I love you I love you
Damn right
The Waifs - Love Serenade 1/26/2003 01:33:00 AM
My heart calling
Calling out to you my one true love
Thinking about you all of the while
Thinking about you it’s making me smile
Honey I’m sitting on top of the world just
Thinking about you
In the morring light that’s when I’m feeling right
Another day come, another day go, another day closer till I make you my own
Honey I’m siting on top of the world
Just thinking about you
I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true
Honey I’m in love with you
I’m going to show you what I can do
Comeover here you’ve gotta be told,
My love for you is out of control
Honey I am sitting on top of the world,
Just thinking about you girl
I’m going to show you how much I care,
Marry you and take you away some where
Sit back in a rocking chair and rock all day with you my dear
Cause I love you, I love you I love you I love you
In the morrin, in the evening, in the night time or in the middle of the afternoon
I love you I love you I love you I love you
Damn right
The Waifs - Love Serenade 1/26/2003 01:33:00 AM
I've dragged out some of my Beatles' cds to listen to. I must admit I probably haven't listened to them since we moved. I've really missed listening to the simplicity of their early recordings. There's hope for us all ;)
Seeing at though it's technically Australia day shortly I thought I'd put together a 'must-do' of Australian things:
Movies - watch Risk and Lantana. Two of my favourite all-time movies.
Music - my favourites at the moment have to be The Waifs. Others on the play list: Alex Lloyd, Grinspoon, Silverchair, Powderfinger and Kasey Chambers.
Well I'm tired, and not patriotic in the least, so I'm finding this a very hard entry to write. So time for sleep I think.
1/25/2003 11:27:00 PM
Seeing at though it's technically Australia day shortly I thought I'd put together a 'must-do' of Australian things:
Movies - watch Risk and Lantana. Two of my favourite all-time movies.
Music - my favourites at the moment have to be The Waifs. Others on the play list: Alex Lloyd, Grinspoon, Silverchair, Powderfinger and Kasey Chambers.
Well I'm tired, and not patriotic in the least, so I'm finding this a very hard entry to write. So time for sleep I think.
1/25/2003 11:27:00 PM
Just because I think you all enjoy looking at pictures of me..
1/25/2003 10:20:00 PM
I sat up for an hour and wrote last night. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. It wasn't even about any of this 'stuff' I have going on inside right now. I felt better for it. I really did. Time for me to sleep.
1/21/2003 09:01:00 PM
I feel incomplete. I feel ready to throw everything away just so I can be the person who was a do-er. I'm sick of the stability. I'm sick of the office politics. I'm sick of being here. Maybe it's just time I sold my life up and did it. Just to get out of this place. I'm sick of the near-tear-filled days I have.
1/21/2003 08:49:00 PM
I think pop-up ads are trying to tell me something "are you single? try our dating service"
1/20/2003 12:33:00 AM
I've had a lovely, lazy weekend.
It all started with grocery shopping with my mother on Saturday. Nothing exciting to most people, I know. For me though - well a whole different story. I wore hipster pants for the first time. I'm so behind of the fashion trends, I know. I walked around the shop pulling my pants up all morning. How on earth does Britney keep them up? I'm thinking velcro. I must say, I did get some looks (good by the way). I normally don't have the self confidence to wear clothes like that, but lately I've been feeling that maybe I am wonderful. The inner peace of it all is quite refreshing.
In the afternoon I watched an interesting documentary on the Amazon (which I can't stop talking about, so I won't stop) and got out one of my old chemistry textbooks and had a read through it.
Sunday, after getting up after noon I cleaned my car out and then sat down and watched some television. There were a few interesting programs on. I watched one on Chuck Jones the director of a lot of the Warner Brothers cartoons and then one on ABBA.
I've got this knot in my stomach. After seeing some photos that he decided to share with me. I'm starting to wonder again why he spends time with me. You are gorgeous hon, and I really can't believe why you're attracted to me sometimes. I miss you.
I could write a lot right now, but I won't. 1/20/2003 12:26:00 AM
It all started with grocery shopping with my mother on Saturday. Nothing exciting to most people, I know. For me though - well a whole different story. I wore hipster pants for the first time. I'm so behind of the fashion trends, I know. I walked around the shop pulling my pants up all morning. How on earth does Britney keep them up? I'm thinking velcro. I must say, I did get some looks (good by the way). I normally don't have the self confidence to wear clothes like that, but lately I've been feeling that maybe I am wonderful. The inner peace of it all is quite refreshing.
In the afternoon I watched an interesting documentary on the Amazon (which I can't stop talking about, so I won't stop) and got out one of my old chemistry textbooks and had a read through it.
Sunday, after getting up after noon I cleaned my car out and then sat down and watched some television. There were a few interesting programs on. I watched one on Chuck Jones the director of a lot of the Warner Brothers cartoons and then one on ABBA.
I've got this knot in my stomach. After seeing some photos that he decided to share with me. I'm starting to wonder again why he spends time with me. You are gorgeous hon, and I really can't believe why you're attracted to me sometimes. I miss you.
I could write a lot right now, but I won't. 1/20/2003 12:26:00 AM
I had one of those days at work yesterday. You know the kind. I just felt like I was going to cry when I got home. I didn't though. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of thinking I'm unhappy there just so they can fire me. It's not really their fault though. Or maybe it is. Who knows. All I want is to be with him right now. I know that time, distance, work, and study get in the way of that. I want to be away from this place and be happy. I want to pretend I'm someone else.
1/17/2003 07:12:00 AM
When all I needed was reassurance, I got nothing.
1/15/2003 07:20:00 PM
I can only imagine what this will do for my referrals. Interesting sex-facts:
1) A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphines), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.
2) According to one theory, people who chew a lot of ice have a high sex drive.
3) According to the World Health Organization, there are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
4) Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.
5) Impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 U.S. states.
1/15/2003 07:16:00 AM
1) A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphines), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.
2) According to one theory, people who chew a lot of ice have a high sex drive.
3) According to the World Health Organization, there are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
4) Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.
5) Impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 U.S. states.
1/15/2003 07:16:00 AM
Okay, you can get to my site by doing a search on this apparently.
1/15/2003 06:57:00 AM
I have a lot on my mind, but not much I really feel like saying. Anything I do feel like saying might just make a bad situation worse, and I don't feel like threatening what I have already. I suppose my brain is on a small hiatus at the moment.
1/12/2003 03:02:00 AM
So, it's been a wonderful day :) I've been spoilt from the word go this morning. Starting with wishes from my parents, and an e-mail that made me so happy I almost cried and left me speechless for about an hour (thank you, you know who). What happened at work? I had a chorus of people singing happy birthday around two plates of giant lamingtons, and I now have my own office. Thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes. You've made my day wonderful :)
1/08/2003 06:23:00 PM
You know what I forgot from last year? The way Alicia Keys croons. The way Usher makes me feel like dancing.
1/07/2003 07:55:00 PM
So, it's my last day of being 21. How do I feel? Like absolute crap. My head hearts, I feel empty, and depressed beyond relief. I know that'll probably all disappear within the next hour or so though. It always does. I'm very hesitant to post what's actually on my mind, because my ability to be open tends to get me in trouble wit those I love. I was back at work today, because we've decided to change the whole office around. I just love moving computers when my head feels like it's going to explode. What do I want for my birthday? The usual. The ability to concentrate, to be smarter, Stripped - Christina Aguilera, Laundry Service - Shakira, Clarity - Jimmy Eat World, to wake up and to be somewhere else, Freddy Prince Jr turning up on my doorstep wearing nothing more than a big red bow, for people to be honest about what's going on, a million dollars, a travel visa, a back-pack. I don't think I ask for much.
He'll love you, he won't love you, but you've got to 'cause you're stronger than you were before
You'll be there, he won't be there, but you've been there and you're stronger than you were before
Girl I know you’ll feel better if you cried
But you will be stronger if you look inside
Love doesn’t always mean that you’ll see eye to eye
But great love will always help you learn to fly
You can hold him close and let him kiss you
But just not too tight, he’s gotta miss you
Make a love that you know your heart will preserve
Live a life that all of us deserve
Jennifer Love Hewitt - Stronger
I know, I'm turning into one of those dorks who posts nothing but song lyrics. 1/07/2003 07:24:00 PM
He'll love you, he won't love you, but you've got to 'cause you're stronger than you were before
You'll be there, he won't be there, but you've been there and you're stronger than you were before
Girl I know you’ll feel better if you cried
But you will be stronger if you look inside
Love doesn’t always mean that you’ll see eye to eye
But great love will always help you learn to fly
You can hold him close and let him kiss you
But just not too tight, he’s gotta miss you
Make a love that you know your heart will preserve
Live a life that all of us deserve
Jennifer Love Hewitt - Stronger
I know, I'm turning into one of those dorks who posts nothing but song lyrics. 1/07/2003 07:24:00 PM
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Because I know you're all secretly Christina Aguilera fans. I wish they had a song like this when I was a teenager.
1/05/2003 02:59:00 AM
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Because I know you're all secretly Christina Aguilera fans. I wish they had a song like this when I was a teenager.
1/05/2003 02:59:00 AM
Okay, thanks to Bevie I did this test. I found the results quite amusing:
Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with
1 person!
And you'll first have sex at age 25 (for those of you who are behind the 8-ball, yes I am a virgin),
in your own bed.
You are 20% sexy.
0 of them will be female (fancy that, I am straight)
1 of them will be male
And you will actually love 1 of them!
Prepare yourself for a long and fruitful relationship
1/05/2003 02:19:00 AM
Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with
1 person!
And you'll first have sex at age 25 (for those of you who are behind the 8-ball, yes I am a virgin),
in your own bed.
You are 20% sexy.
0 of them will be female (fancy that, I am straight)
1 of them will be male
And you will actually love 1 of them!
Prepare yourself for a long and fruitful relationship
1/05/2003 02:19:00 AM
I sit here and wonder if I'm even missed at all. If I'm even thought about when I cease to spend time with you. The fact is, I don't really know whether or not you do because you never talk about it. That automatically makes me assume that you don't miss me, and I know that you hate it when I get like this - all clingy. The truth is, I hate it too. I hate being this way. It sucks that I feel so much for you.
1/02/2003 08:43:00 AM
Okay, I got two raspberry ones. The last two in the packet.
1/01/2003 10:25:00 PM
I bought a packed of Creamy Marshmallow Santas today. They're those chocolate covered undefinable shapes that have soft centres (but not really of marshmallow softness) and wrapped coloured foil wrappers whether Santa has freaky all black eyes. Well, the front of the packet clearly states "In pineapple, orange and raspberry flavours". I seem to have gotten the packet with only orange ones.
Quality Confectionery since 1912 1/01/2003 09:55:00 PM
Quality Confectionery since 1912 1/01/2003 09:55:00 PM
My highlights from 2002:
Watching Spiderman and falling in love with Tobey Macguire all over again. Getting freaked out by watching The Others. Having a hard, long, deep thought after seeing Run Lola, Run (and thinking of dyeing my hair bright red). Spending a total of twenty-four hours in front of the television watching Keifer Sutherland try to rescue his wife and daughter and dubbing him the 'Invincible Man'. Nearly crying tears of joy when Ally McBeal returned to our screens (and yes, she does still remind me of myself. Sort of). Watching CSI with great intrigue and wishing I was on that kick-ass series. Vowing to never watch Survivor again (which by the way I haven't). Being in absolute awe of Boston Public. Being all-inspired by the Australian films Lantana and Risk. Wishing I was still dancing thanks to Centre Stage and Save the Last Dance. Becoming a Secret Life of Us addict.
Discovering Ryan Adams. Falling in love with Christina Aguileira's voice (and watching her turn from that sweet innocent girl into some half skanky/half unbelievably goregous woman). Little Holly Valance leaving Ramsay Street as Flick Skully and being a pop siren. Little Bec Cartwright singing an annoyingly rememorable song and staying in Summer Bay. Watching Justy T going solo and turning into some sort of Michael Jackson apprentice. Loving, I mean loving, Jennifer Love Hewitt and listening to her cd at least twice a day. Singing as loud as possible along with Averil Lavigne (and hating her teenybopper spelling tactics). Falling in love with the 'morbid' sounds of Kasey Chambers. Bopping along with Enimen. Wishing, oh god do I wish, I could swivel my hips like Shakira and have that wonderous voice (and hair) of hers. Wishing Nelly would rip that damned bandaid off and stop having Dilemas with Kelly. Singing the chorus of Jenny from the Block over and over, and over, and over, and over. Becoming more musically diverse.
Agreeing with this year being the year of terrorism. The effects of last year have seemed to spill over into 2002 and causing a world-wide uncomfort. Watching the scene with Saddam unfolding. Being stuck in a car jam for four and a half hours on the beach highway, and hearing the news of the Bali bombings.
Becoming more accepting of myself and finally learning to trust others again. Admitting a few things to my heart, and being contently happy and unhappy all at the same time.
There's probably a lot I have forgotten. It was significant to you and it involved me and I've forgotten - I'm deeply sorry. E-mail me and remind me ;) 1/01/2003 09:32:00 PM
Watching Spiderman and falling in love with Tobey Macguire all over again. Getting freaked out by watching The Others. Having a hard, long, deep thought after seeing Run Lola, Run (and thinking of dyeing my hair bright red). Spending a total of twenty-four hours in front of the television watching Keifer Sutherland try to rescue his wife and daughter and dubbing him the 'Invincible Man'. Nearly crying tears of joy when Ally McBeal returned to our screens (and yes, she does still remind me of myself. Sort of). Watching CSI with great intrigue and wishing I was on that kick-ass series. Vowing to never watch Survivor again (which by the way I haven't). Being in absolute awe of Boston Public. Being all-inspired by the Australian films Lantana and Risk. Wishing I was still dancing thanks to Centre Stage and Save the Last Dance. Becoming a Secret Life of Us addict.
Discovering Ryan Adams. Falling in love with Christina Aguileira's voice (and watching her turn from that sweet innocent girl into some half skanky/half unbelievably goregous woman). Little Holly Valance leaving Ramsay Street as Flick Skully and being a pop siren. Little Bec Cartwright singing an annoyingly rememorable song and staying in Summer Bay. Watching Justy T going solo and turning into some sort of Michael Jackson apprentice. Loving, I mean loving, Jennifer Love Hewitt and listening to her cd at least twice a day. Singing as loud as possible along with Averil Lavigne (and hating her teenybopper spelling tactics). Falling in love with the 'morbid' sounds of Kasey Chambers. Bopping along with Enimen. Wishing, oh god do I wish, I could swivel my hips like Shakira and have that wonderous voice (and hair) of hers. Wishing Nelly would rip that damned bandaid off and stop having Dilemas with Kelly. Singing the chorus of Jenny from the Block over and over, and over, and over, and over. Becoming more musically diverse.
Agreeing with this year being the year of terrorism. The effects of last year have seemed to spill over into 2002 and causing a world-wide uncomfort. Watching the scene with Saddam unfolding. Being stuck in a car jam for four and a half hours on the beach highway, and hearing the news of the Bali bombings.
Becoming more accepting of myself and finally learning to trust others again. Admitting a few things to my heart, and being contently happy and unhappy all at the same time.
There's probably a lot I have forgotten. It was significant to you and it involved me and I've forgotten - I'm deeply sorry. E-mail me and remind me ;) 1/01/2003 09:32:00 PM