The last couple of months I feel like I have matured. I know that sounds very funny to some of you, but it's true. I feel like I have grown, and expanded immensely, which brings me to my New Years Resolution - to improve myself by growing: emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically (well not literally grow in size physically).
I saw Christina Aguilera perform 'Beautiful' on the Big in 2002 VH1 awards. God that woman's voice makes me get goosebumps, and she was dressed quite nicely tonight too. The skank in her was nowhere to be seen. I really admire that woman.
I'm thinking about bringing in a new section. Much like those "I'm listening to this..and I'm doing this.." sections everyone used to have. Any suggestions.
I'm hoping everyone has a good New Years. 12/31/2002 11:13:00 PM
I saw Christina Aguilera perform 'Beautiful' on the Big in 2002 VH1 awards. God that woman's voice makes me get goosebumps, and she was dressed quite nicely tonight too. The skank in her was nowhere to be seen. I really admire that woman.
I'm thinking about bringing in a new section. Much like those "I'm listening to this..and I'm doing this.." sections everyone used to have. Any suggestions.
I'm hoping everyone has a good New Years. 12/31/2002 11:13:00 PM
The smaller writing on the side reads "on time..intact" which makes me laugh harder.
The background - guy stole truck. guy decides to try and drive truck into undercover carpark. The rest is history. 12/31/2002 09:58:00 PM
The background - guy stole truck. guy decides to try and drive truck into undercover carpark. The rest is history. 12/31/2002 09:58:00 PM
Using my real name:
Your Heart Number is 7
Makes you a bit of a loner. You probably require a lot of time by yourself just to clear your head and recharge your batteries. You may be somewhat more concerned with the deeper issues of life.
Your Personality Number is 3
Which should lend you a rather charming and enjoyable character. Interesting and engaging, you're liable to excel in social situations and people will really enjoy your company.
Your Image Number is 1
Shows that you like to be the leader of the pack and usually don't need a lot of help from other people. You have a strong desire to get ahead and are always eager to show everyone who's the top dog!
Using my Alias:
Your Heart Number is 3
Being able to be around lots of different people is very important to you. You have a strong desire to communicate and express yourself in any way possible. Because of this, you may be attracted to a career in the arts.
Your Personality Number is 5
Makes you a rather fun and care-free individual whose company other people find inspiring and delightful. You're a bit of a free spirit, love variety, and have a strong desire to live life to the fullest.
Your Image Number is 8
Makes you very concerned with matters of the outer world. It's important that you appear to be successful in the eyes of others. You like being in the game, and have every intention of winning.
I don't know which is more accurate.
Your turn. 12/29/2002 08:13:00 PM
Your Heart Number is 7
Makes you a bit of a loner. You probably require a lot of time by yourself just to clear your head and recharge your batteries. You may be somewhat more concerned with the deeper issues of life.
Your Personality Number is 3
Which should lend you a rather charming and enjoyable character. Interesting and engaging, you're liable to excel in social situations and people will really enjoy your company.
Your Image Number is 1
Shows that you like to be the leader of the pack and usually don't need a lot of help from other people. You have a strong desire to get ahead and are always eager to show everyone who's the top dog!
Using my Alias:
Your Heart Number is 3
Being able to be around lots of different people is very important to you. You have a strong desire to communicate and express yourself in any way possible. Because of this, you may be attracted to a career in the arts.
Your Personality Number is 5
Makes you a rather fun and care-free individual whose company other people find inspiring and delightful. You're a bit of a free spirit, love variety, and have a strong desire to live life to the fullest.
Your Image Number is 8
Makes you very concerned with matters of the outer world. It's important that you appear to be successful in the eyes of others. You like being in the game, and have every intention of winning.
I don't know which is more accurate.
Your turn. 12/29/2002 08:13:00 PM
Hey, guess what..
12/27/2002 08:19:00 PM
okay, link's up..just need to redo the template. Any takers?
12/26/2002 09:17:00 PM
You know what I realised, I forgot to put a link to archives..
12/26/2002 08:51:00 PM
This is pathetic, And sardonic, And sadistic, And psychotic, Tango is not for three, Was never meant to be, But you can try it, Rehearse it, Or train like a horse, But don't you count on me, Don't you count on me boy, oh don't you count on me
dances around like Shakira..
On my list for Christmas - Shakira - Laundry Service, Christina Aguilera - Stripped, a one-way ticket out of here, a makeover ;), de niro (and lots of it)
12/24/2002 07:20:00 PM
dances around like Shakira..
On my list for Christmas - Shakira - Laundry Service, Christina Aguilera - Stripped, a one-way ticket out of here, a makeover ;), de niro (and lots of it)
12/24/2002 07:20:00 PM
It's one of those days where you feel like people that should love you don't, and that the ones who shouldn't do. I'm bored, I'm restless, and I really would rather being anywhere other than here right now. I'm tired, I'm cranky and excited. I am not, let me repeat, I am NOT excited about Christmas. I'm excited about the year ahead and what I hope it brings. Maybe I'll ramble a bit more later on.
12/24/2002 06:21:00 PM
On that note, Merry Christmas everybody.
12/24/2002 07:11:00 AM
I don't know how to say this without bringing everyone down. I feel like complete utter crap. I hate Christmas, it just makes me feel lonely and broke.
12/24/2002 07:09:00 AM
My comments refuse to work.
12/23/2002 07:41:00 PM
12/23/2002 07:41:00 PM
I know, I know. There's a picture of me on the front page. It'll do until I find something more suitable. I'm still working on the bio. I've renewed my domain so I'll have it for another 5 years now. I'm looking forward to the new year, and what I may/may not bring. Fingers crossed.
12/21/2002 07:55:00 PM
Some days I feel completely stupid. Today would be one of those days.
12/18/2002 10:33:00 PM
The Bear Test
This is how you described the room:
The room is warm with wooden furnishings. It has floor to ceiling book shelves filled to the brim with books. There's a moveable ladder, and further piles of books on the floor. There's a circle of four leather chairs all facing each other, one of which I have awoken in. There's a small wooden coffee table sitting in the center of the chairs. On the right-hand side of the large wooden door there sits a large l-shaped study desk with a computer, large working space, drawing board and misc. objects pertaining to the computer. Behind me is a large bay window with two "lazy boy" chairs facing towards the yard. The room is spotless besides the stacks of books on the floor, leaning obtusely.
The initial room is the subject’s childhood. What interests us here is the general atmosphere of the room, in addition to the level of furnishings described by the subject. This comfortable room suggests a childhood that was pleasant. The depth of description tells us that the subject has strong memories of childhood.
You wanted to leave the room.
The subject wanted to become an adult.
This is how you described the forest:
The forest consists of large trees with dark foilage. The sun shines in brightly from the east sending large shadows of the trees. The forest is quite gloomy, with only speckles of sunlight penetrating.
The forest is growing up, and the trees are those adults with whom the subject interacted at that time. That the forest is very bright tells us that the subject had extensive freedom while growing up. Tall trees imply that the adults had a strong influence on the subject.
This is how you described the path:
All the trees are of similar size and stature. The forest is quite hard to navigate. The space between the trees is quite large and it seems abandoned. It is barely visible and it seems there are similiar paths following off this path.
Adolescence is represented by the path through the forest. Poor visibility of the path tells us the subject was often confused by the changes brought on by adolescence. The lack of evidence of fellow travelers suggests strong feelings of isolation at that time. A narrow path suggests that the subject had limited options for emotional growth at this time. That the path is free of obstructions indicates that the subject had no problems during adolescence.
This is how you described the water:
The water is quite shallow with pale gray and clear white rounded rocks on the bottom. There's a few large boulders scattered at the sides of the creek. It is quite clear and only a few feet in width.
The water is the subject’s sexuality. What interests us here is the clarity of the water (representing attitude) and its movement (representing libido). The movement of the water suggests a normal, average if somewhat playful sex drive. Clear water tells us that the subject has no issues regarding sex.
When you came to the water, you crossed it.
The subject is open to new sexual experiences.
This is how you described the cup:
It's a medium sized flask,covered in red fabric and there appears to be red jewels fixed to the top of the flask.
The vessel, or specificially the practicality of the vessel, is how the subject approaches marriage or bonding. A practical container indicates that the subject is pragmatic when it comes to questions of marriage.
You took the cup and filled it.
The subject is interested in marriage, and sex will be a significant part of that relationship.
This is how you described the key:
It is quite large and gold. It's an old-fashioned key with quite exact detailing. It reminds me of the kind of key you use to unlock french doors. I imagine it would open a gate.
The key is the ideal career for the subject. What interests us here is how the key appears (representing how others view the career) and what it may open (representing the subject’s goals for the career). Having the key open a house, car, or other commonplace use tells us that the subject has no extraordinary expectations about the career. Old-fashioned keys suggest that the subject desires a traditional career.
You confronted the bear.
In a crisis, the subject prefers the direct, no-nonsense approach.
When you came to the wall, you jumped over it.
The wall represents death: by jumping over it, the subject not only acknowledges death but has come to accept its finality.
12/18/2002 07:43:00 PM
This is how you described the room:
The room is warm with wooden furnishings. It has floor to ceiling book shelves filled to the brim with books. There's a moveable ladder, and further piles of books on the floor. There's a circle of four leather chairs all facing each other, one of which I have awoken in. There's a small wooden coffee table sitting in the center of the chairs. On the right-hand side of the large wooden door there sits a large l-shaped study desk with a computer, large working space, drawing board and misc. objects pertaining to the computer. Behind me is a large bay window with two "lazy boy" chairs facing towards the yard. The room is spotless besides the stacks of books on the floor, leaning obtusely.
The initial room is the subject’s childhood. What interests us here is the general atmosphere of the room, in addition to the level of furnishings described by the subject. This comfortable room suggests a childhood that was pleasant. The depth of description tells us that the subject has strong memories of childhood.
You wanted to leave the room.
The subject wanted to become an adult.
This is how you described the forest:
The forest consists of large trees with dark foilage. The sun shines in brightly from the east sending large shadows of the trees. The forest is quite gloomy, with only speckles of sunlight penetrating.
The forest is growing up, and the trees are those adults with whom the subject interacted at that time. That the forest is very bright tells us that the subject had extensive freedom while growing up. Tall trees imply that the adults had a strong influence on the subject.
This is how you described the path:
All the trees are of similar size and stature. The forest is quite hard to navigate. The space between the trees is quite large and it seems abandoned. It is barely visible and it seems there are similiar paths following off this path.
Adolescence is represented by the path through the forest. Poor visibility of the path tells us the subject was often confused by the changes brought on by adolescence. The lack of evidence of fellow travelers suggests strong feelings of isolation at that time. A narrow path suggests that the subject had limited options for emotional growth at this time. That the path is free of obstructions indicates that the subject had no problems during adolescence.
This is how you described the water:
The water is quite shallow with pale gray and clear white rounded rocks on the bottom. There's a few large boulders scattered at the sides of the creek. It is quite clear and only a few feet in width.
The water is the subject’s sexuality. What interests us here is the clarity of the water (representing attitude) and its movement (representing libido). The movement of the water suggests a normal, average if somewhat playful sex drive. Clear water tells us that the subject has no issues regarding sex.
When you came to the water, you crossed it.
The subject is open to new sexual experiences.
This is how you described the cup:
It's a medium sized flask,covered in red fabric and there appears to be red jewels fixed to the top of the flask.
The vessel, or specificially the practicality of the vessel, is how the subject approaches marriage or bonding. A practical container indicates that the subject is pragmatic when it comes to questions of marriage.
You took the cup and filled it.
The subject is interested in marriage, and sex will be a significant part of that relationship.
This is how you described the key:
It is quite large and gold. It's an old-fashioned key with quite exact detailing. It reminds me of the kind of key you use to unlock french doors. I imagine it would open a gate.
The key is the ideal career for the subject. What interests us here is how the key appears (representing how others view the career) and what it may open (representing the subject’s goals for the career). Having the key open a house, car, or other commonplace use tells us that the subject has no extraordinary expectations about the career. Old-fashioned keys suggest that the subject desires a traditional career.
You confronted the bear.
In a crisis, the subject prefers the direct, no-nonsense approach.
When you came to the wall, you jumped over it.
The wall represents death: by jumping over it, the subject not only acknowledges death but has come to accept its finality.
12/18/2002 07:43:00 PM
This made me giggle.
12/18/2002 06:51:00 PM
A song I'm finding a strong affinity with at the moment:
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs rrruunnnnssss...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here..
Creep - Radiohead 12/14/2002 09:30:00 PM
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs rrruunnnnssss...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here..
Creep - Radiohead 12/14/2002 09:30:00 PM
At the moment I can't explain what's going on in my mind. I've utterly confused and hopelessly lonely. Maybe I'm just in over my head? Maybe I'm just too overwhelming and that's the problem? Maybe I just care a little bit too much? Then again, maybe it's not me. It scares me just as much as it does you hearing it. I'm scared of pushing you away with my words, so sometimes I don't say much. You know what scares me even more? That perhaps you will never feel the same way about me, or perhaps you do but you just don't want to show it. I don't know.
12/13/2002 11:15:00 PM
Stolen off a website somewhere:
1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
4. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
5. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
6. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
10. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
11. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
12. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
12/13/2002 11:03:00 PM
1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
4. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
5. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
6. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
10. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
11. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
12. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
12/13/2002 11:03:00 PM
Now I'm completely pissed off.
12/11/2002 09:53:00 PM
On the way back from work I was running an imaginary conversation though my head..of what I would ask/say if I had the chance, if I wasn't too self-conscious and if I wasn't too afraid of the consequence.
12/10/2002 09:40:00 PM
I was planning on writing a long rant about the way I feel lately. Someone has been out of my life for a while, not a great length of time but the gap was there and I felt it more than anything. Now, and now, I feel relieved more than anything. I can't stop smiling and I feel completely at ease. I'm not too sure whether to be comfortable about this or not. I mean, to feel this way just because of this person. Is this right? I mean, does this person feel the same? Do I have the same effect? There's too much going through my mind for me to just relax about it. I plan to just take a deep breath, enjoy the ride and see where the path goes.
12/09/2002 10:27:00 PM
I must say, interesting read Tim. Yes, I know you tracked down this site. And you want to talk about being childish I think you're actions point more clearly in that direction than mine. For your information, not a membership exclusive matter I just didn't feel like having it up for public scrutiny at the moment. I will put it up when I'm ready, willing and able to. A person with broken promises such as yourself should never point their fingers at others. You said on your site something about not caring for my space anymore and not caring about me. When a person uses a search engine and their own cached files to track down where you've moved their site too, that's pretty darned pathetic. So just leave me alone then. Pure and simple. And Roo, what can I say. All I said was I didn't know who you were and that it offends me that you didn't introduce yourself. I at least e-mail people and tell them what a great read it is before I go commenting profusely, and visiting like a stalker on LSD. Hey call me old fashioned. I'll be lonely? No, I keep those who I love and adore close to me. Those who I can no longer trust get pushed away as far as often. Survial of the fittest. Happy cliquing.
12/08/2002 09:35:00 PM
I think it should be mandatory for English speaking people to carry around a dictionary. I mean, it is easy to get "I told you to leave me alone the last time I actually replied you in a chatroom" confused with "I told you I would write when I felt like talking in the last post on my page aimed directly at you"... Let me just say - duh.
12/07/2002 08:49:00 PM
Well here's the deal folks - stop using my cooments as your own personal chattering. Talk amongst yourselves elsewhere. Seriously. I log in and see I've got 28 hits over the last two days from the same people. Surely if I hadn't updated my page one hour ago, I wouldn't have updated it when you visit next. Time zones people. Roo, I have no idea who you are and it offends me greatly that you're commenting without introducing yourself. My site expires in February and at this stage I can't see myself renewing it.
12/07/2002 06:58:00 PM
You people are insane. Do you not have lives?
12/06/2002 08:18:00 PM
Now I'm more confused and I'm not sure whether that's an improvement or not.
I should really send out my christmas cards. I really can't be bothered this year though. I'm seriously not in the mood for the whole Christmas thing. Anyone want to escape to a cave in the middle of nowhere for a week and a half with me? 12/05/2002 09:25:00 PM
I should really send out my christmas cards. I really can't be bothered this year though. I'm seriously not in the mood for the whole Christmas thing. Anyone want to escape to a cave in the middle of nowhere for a week and a half with me? 12/05/2002 09:25:00 PM
Also, let me just point out - just because a person's name is in a room, it does not necessarily mean they are actually there.
12/04/2002 09:41:00 PM
What do I want to know?
- Why did you ever bother messaging me if it's still the way it was?
- Why did you play along for that one, and then hurt me with the next contact I have with you?
- Why the fuck do I even bother when you're obviously scum? (honestly, you are. You're right, it is all your fault and you should be one doing all the apologising. Unless they're the next words to come out of your mouth when you see me, I don't ever, ever, ever, ever want to speak to you again).
- Why the hell do I even bother with anything?
I can't wait to earn enough money to leave work and live like a hermit for a while. I seriously can't put up with this shit any longer. 12/04/2002 09:40:00 PM
- Why did you ever bother messaging me if it's still the way it was?
- Why did you play along for that one, and then hurt me with the next contact I have with you?
- Why the fuck do I even bother when you're obviously scum? (honestly, you are. You're right, it is all your fault and you should be one doing all the apologising. Unless they're the next words to come out of your mouth when you see me, I don't ever, ever, ever, ever want to speak to you again).
- Why the hell do I even bother with anything?
I can't wait to earn enough money to leave work and live like a hermit for a while. I seriously can't put up with this shit any longer. 12/04/2002 09:40:00 PM
Some days I feel like crawling into a corner and dying. Today is one of those days.
12/04/2002 09:35:00 PM
I had this post sorted out in my mind to post today about how maybe the way I've seen people is wrong. That possibly, quite possibly, I should apologise. I've decided I was right all along, and you're all still the same people I saw you being. Well maybe not all of you, just the ones I find fucking ignorant. It's fun to come home from a stressful day at work, log onto the net and find a message that makes your heart sink, and draws you that much closer to a nervous breakdown. Thank you people. My fans are everything.
12/04/2002 09:22:00 PM
I was in the worst mood today. Could be because I got hardly any sleep. I felt the most at peace I have in a long time though, and the most level-headed in a while too. What am I reading? Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides; and The Year of Wonders - Geraldine Brooks. Oh I got my next art installment. Portriature. I can't be bothered spelling rightly tonight.
12/02/2002 08:55:00 PM