So how is your week going?



Mine started with my heart getting trampled on at three Monday morning. I finally got to sleep close to four a.m. On the way to work I saw some guy getting a blow job in his car around the corner from work. I loved my job on Monday. I hated it today, and loved it again at five p.m. I've come to the conclusion I can do this overseas thing, and survive. I've decided I can make a living on my talent. Well, maybe. People have always told me I write well. Why not depend on those suckers to pay my rent? 8/28/2002 12:16:00 AM

We sometimes meet people who we can see ourselves sharing our lives with. And for a while, a seemingly short while, we share glimpses of our lives. We see flashes of the person they are, the person they were and the person they are to become. We attach ourselves to loving every facet of them. We touch their skin as lovers and share their souls like kindred spirits. And as we intertwine ourselves with them, and briefly (sometimes almost completely) lose ourselves and all definition of who we are. We become them. And when it starts to unravel we tend to tear apart the whole relationship, pull-apart the history and basically just plain and simply freak out. We don't eat. We don't sleep. We don't listen. We start to malfunction. Most importantly, we become indefinible. We were just part of them, and now we're singular again. We're our own person. What do we do? What do we become? Who are we? We're hurt when someone we care so deeply about doesn't love us back in the same way. Understanding it is one thing. Accepting it is a completely different issue. What's the use in living if we don't possess the most important thing - faith? 8/26/2002 10:28:00 PM

Sitting down, working it all out today, it's the first time it's dawned on me. I can do this. 8/26/2002 09:30:00 PM

Hey Sime. Know how we were undecided? It's the fool.



After some technical assistance:

Wanting to block certain IPs. If this involves becoming a geek, so be it.

IE won't load yahoo games for me (geek already?).

I want a new layout - any takers? 8/26/2002 03:25:00 AM

I've had a long week. One of my cats died while I was at work. She passed away in my bedroom doorway waiting for me to get home. My photos for photography class turned out excellent, and a couple of the shots were the envy of the whole class. I brought a new mobile phone yesterday. My bosses are taking me out for lunch tomorrow. It's also payday tomorrow, but that happens every day. 8/21/2002 07:05:00 PM

Which Kevin Smith Movie Are You? by jennablue!

8/20/2002 11:38:00 PM

Some questions:

You won't return e-mails, but you'll visit my site every day? New month, different squeeze I suppose.

Why do I miss him so much?

Who are all you people who visit my site, but don't leave messages?



Tim - yes you are still on my list. There's this thing called timezones. 8/18/2002 04:45:00 PM

I'm happy after our conversation this morning. I probably didn't freak you out as much as I expected. 8/15/2002 09:09:00 PM

I just don't think I can be happy here. There's this mental stigma that this place prevents me from shining, and doing the things I want. My mind flirts with the idea of travelling to far away places - Europe, U.S., Canada, Thailand, Tibet, Nepal, Chile, Cuba, Russia. I'm seeking donations, and accommodataion, and jobs, and free food (and a dictionary and spell checker). Planning is underway for late next year (depending on my ability to stick to a strict budget). This trip is for me to explore myself and other places, my dreams and ambitions, and most importantly - what life can be. 8/11/2002 10:56:00 PM

I'm a little unsure about posting this. I've been milling over it for a couple of days, and more specifically today. I scribbled it down in one of my books in a span of two minutes, and feel the need to post it, I'm unsure about how the way I candidly talk about this publicly is going will sit with 'him'. So, hon, if you don't like it, let me know.


I have this huge, gigantic, gaping hole. It doesn't allow me the ability to concentrate, the energy to breathe or eat properly, or the motivation to achieve anything I want. My mind drifts back to things said and done. More specifically the things we shouldn't have said and done, and the things we haven't said and done. I'm in love, as horribly morbid as I sound. We both understand the distance is an issue, and we both know our seemingly clashing personalities are as well. He's a commitment-phobe, I'm a commitment-holic. I can't allow myself to be afraid to say how I feel, how I see it and how I want it anymore. I know you're busy, and your mind is on other things. I'm thinking of you, and I'm looking to discussing things with you shortly when life for us both settles down enough to think clearly. 8/11/2002 10:20:00 PM

Say, you know what you want to do with life. And you would do anything to get there, to have that, to achieve that. I have that ambition to do something, but not the drive, nor the motivation. And then I think that maybe I don't really want it. Surely if I did I would feel the need to do that. Then I'm back to square one again. 8/09/2002 10:24:00 PM

Life is good. I'm growing, and experiencing life. I've become a member of the human race once again. 8/03/2002 04:02:00 PM