Sometimes the pain of living is too much, and I feel that my heart has been shrink-wrapped, and my chest tightens, and I have difficulty breathing. The evening news can occassionally be too much to bear, and the tears escape, and the heart keeps hurting. It's then that I remember that I am alive, and that I should be grateful that I can feel the pain I do, and bear the scars I do, and choose whether or not I speak or act, or say or do, as I please.
I'm trying to sort myself out, honestly. To figure out what I want, what I need, and where I want to be/go. I would love to be more optimistic and carefree about things, unfortunately I can't. That's not in my nature at this point in time. I know I'm missed by a select few, and they're missed more than they realise. Emotions and thoughts have overrun me lately, and I just simply can't function properly. 6/30/2002 01:09:00 AM
I'm trying to sort myself out, honestly. To figure out what I want, what I need, and where I want to be/go. I would love to be more optimistic and carefree about things, unfortunately I can't. That's not in my nature at this point in time. I know I'm missed by a select few, and they're missed more than they realise. Emotions and thoughts have overrun me lately, and I just simply can't function properly. 6/30/2002 01:09:00 AM
I'm sorry for my mood lately. I'm just lonely, facing a breakdown, and bordering a quarter-life crisis. I'll write more soon. Maybe.
6/27/2002 09:15:00 PM
That's it. I'm on strike until I get some mail. Sweet talk all you want. Honestly. You need to make up for days without it.
6/26/2002 08:37:00 PM
and who the fuck are you anonymous people leaving messages on my guestmap?
6/25/2002 11:32:00 PM
You visited my site while I was online and didn't even say hello. I'm pissed now.
6/25/2002 11:31:00 PM
D - mail me.
6/25/2002 11:22:00 PM
6/25/2002 11:22:00 PM
Raven..I need your icq number. NOW!
6/25/2002 07:03:00 PM
My ICQ is stuffing up. Using my old number: 5709203.
6/23/2002 11:42:00 AM
I take things personally. If you say you hate black shoes, and I happen to only own black shoes, I'm insulted. If you disappear and I don't hear from you for weeks on end, it's my fault. If I don't see you online for a week, it's my fault. I'm paranoid and slightly obsessive. Here's your chance to run.
6/23/2002 08:19:00 AM
Okay, I got it up. Any problems, let me know.
6/22/2002 09:07:00 PM
Want something interesting to read? Go elsewhere.
I'm not at all happy lately. I feel like I'm being two-timed, and lied to, and uninspirated, and totally not in the mood any of this shit anymore. 6/21/2002 07:15:00 PM
I'm not at all happy lately. I feel like I'm being two-timed, and lied to, and uninspirated, and totally not in the mood any of this shit anymore. 6/21/2002 07:15:00 PM
When will I see you again?
6/20/2002 07:05:00 PM
I feel like crying. I just feel like crying. I feel alone and so horrible. New layout's pretty fucked up right now so it'll be put up whenever I sort it out. Try calling back next year.
6/18/2002 10:53:00 PM
Something interesting.
6/18/2002 08:45:00 PM
I'm feeling numb, and kind of lost. I'm nothing special these days, and nothing any of you can say would make me feel otherwise at this point in time. I feel empty and so, so, so hopeless. I'm anticipating that mail you're sending me. I'm looking forward to being together one day. Maybe. I could be so much - to you, to myself, to the world. Perhaps. The more time I spend with you, the more and more time I want with you. Through it all though, I can't help but feel that I'm not as smart as the other women (because hell we both know that's true), that I'm not pretty enough (I'm not movie star), and that I'm not patient, accepting, laid-back, optimistic or happy enough to be around at long lengths of time. I miss you. Dearly.
6/17/2002 09:14:00 PM
I don't really have much to say lately. I'm mulling over things mostly. Thinking of a redesign. Annoyed that I can't be closer to people I love.
6/16/2002 09:25:00 PM
6/16/2002 09:25:00 PM
Is anyone else having problems loading my page?
6/16/2002 09:16:00 PM
Wish List goodies until I add it to my links.
6/15/2002 10:47:00 PM
Why? Just because.
1. What time do you wake up in the morning? Anywhere between 4:30 am and 6:30 am.
2. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Hmmm. Denzel?.
3. Gold or silver? Silver.
4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Probably, hmmmm. I have no idea. Maybe "Cube".
5. Favourite TV show? Why don't you all guess.
6. What do you have for breakfast? A hot chocolate, egg &/or bacon.
7. What would you hate to be left in a room with? Nothing. I mean that. Literally nothing.
8. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No.
9. Who inspires you? Cherie Carter-Scott.
10. What's your middle name? Jane.
11. Beach or city? City.
12. Summer or winter? Winter.
13. Favourite ice cream? Frozen yoghurt.
14. Buttered, plain or salted popcorn? buttered, plain or salted. I'm not meant to eat any of it.
15. Favourite color? Orange, red and yellow.
16. Favourite car? I want a Hummer in one of the above colours.
17. Favourite sandwich? Anti pasto foccacia (sp?)
18. True love? Exists in theory until experienced.
19. What characteristics do you despise? The kind of people who don't have to work for anything, that have everything fall right into their laps. Hypocritical people.
20. Favourite flower? Sunflowers.
21. If you had a big win on the lottery, how long before you told people? I'm not sure I would tell anybody.
22. Fizzy or still water as a drink? Both of the above..
23. What color is your bathroom? Beige.
24. How many keys on your key ring? One house, one car, two work ones. So what, four?
25. Where would you retire to? A wooden pole home on a large acreage with forest covering some of the property.
26. Can you juggle, if yes how many? I used to be able to. Not anymore.
27. Favourite day of the week? Wednesday.
28. Red or white wine? I can't say I've tried red wine. Only white.
29. What did you do for your last birthday? Day off work. Dinner with my family.
30. Do you hold a donor card? Only on my licence. 6/15/2002 01:37:00 PM
1. What time do you wake up in the morning? Anywhere between 4:30 am and 6:30 am.
2. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Hmmm. Denzel?.
3. Gold or silver? Silver.
4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Probably, hmmmm. I have no idea. Maybe "Cube".
5. Favourite TV show? Why don't you all guess.
6. What do you have for breakfast? A hot chocolate, egg &/or bacon.
7. What would you hate to be left in a room with? Nothing. I mean that. Literally nothing.
8. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No.
9. Who inspires you? Cherie Carter-Scott.
10. What's your middle name? Jane.
11. Beach or city? City.
12. Summer or winter? Winter.
13. Favourite ice cream? Frozen yoghurt.
14. Buttered, plain or salted popcorn? buttered, plain or salted. I'm not meant to eat any of it.
15. Favourite color? Orange, red and yellow.
16. Favourite car? I want a Hummer in one of the above colours.
17. Favourite sandwich? Anti pasto foccacia (sp?)
18. True love? Exists in theory until experienced.
19. What characteristics do you despise? The kind of people who don't have to work for anything, that have everything fall right into their laps. Hypocritical people.
20. Favourite flower? Sunflowers.
21. If you had a big win on the lottery, how long before you told people? I'm not sure I would tell anybody.
22. Fizzy or still water as a drink? Both of the above..
23. What color is your bathroom? Beige.
24. How many keys on your key ring? One house, one car, two work ones. So what, four?
25. Where would you retire to? A wooden pole home on a large acreage with forest covering some of the property.
26. Can you juggle, if yes how many? I used to be able to. Not anymore.
27. Favourite day of the week? Wednesday.
28. Red or white wine? I can't say I've tried red wine. Only white.
29. What did you do for your last birthday? Day off work. Dinner with my family.
30. Do you hold a donor card? Only on my licence. 6/15/2002 01:37:00 PM
Am I the only one who can't find this pic you're talking about?
6/14/2002 07:12:00 PM
I'm dealing with bad staffing problems at work at the moment. I am not getting any work done, and I'm so frustrated with it all. No staff can be found who can 1) be accurate, 2) have common sense, and 3) follow instructions.
Emotionally, I feel detached, dead, and numb. I can't really explain it all. I suppose it's the fact I haven't been around my 'soul soothers' lately. I miss them all dearly. Raven, Murph and Dawson. Stop hiding out :( 6/13/2002 08:42:00 PM
Emotionally, I feel detached, dead, and numb. I can't really explain it all. I suppose it's the fact I haven't been around my 'soul soothers' lately. I miss them all dearly. Raven, Murph and Dawson. Stop hiding out :( 6/13/2002 08:42:00 PM
Actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support
your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose
(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.
This student got the only A.
Thanks Justin. I still had it. 6/12/2002 09:40:00 PM
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support
your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose
(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.
This student got the only A.
Thanks Justin. I still had it. 6/12/2002 09:40:00 PM
I pieced together fragments of an e-mail to you at lunchtime today on the back of receipts and pay slips stuffed inside my purse. I've typed it up. I'm hovering over the send button. Afraid. Of what exactly, I'm not sure.
On other news, my biggest hit day ever - 15 hits. Hey, it might not mean much to you people, but it's a milestone for me. 6/11/2002 08:23:00 PM
On other news, my biggest hit day ever - 15 hits. Hey, it might not mean much to you people, but it's a milestone for me. 6/11/2002 08:23:00 PM
There's always something pleasantly flattering as a guy checking you out in a public place. He looked, I looked, he looked away, I looked away, I looked, he looked, we smiled at each other. Return soon super spunk.
6/08/2002 06:45:00 PM
A big hello to my newest acquaintance, Liam.
6/08/2002 04:45:00 PM
1.What time is it? 3:54pm
2. Name as it appears on your Birth Certificate: I would rather not disclose.
3. Nick Names: Bel (not Bell, Belle, Belly, or Bella - thanks), Sunshine
4. Parent's Name: Garry and Alana
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last Birthday Cake? 21
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? 08 January
7. Pets? Bull Mastiff (Rahb), Shih Tzu (Pookie - I did not name her), Tabby (Thomas my 16 year old cat), black cat (Tabitha), along with fish, birds and house geckos.
8. Eye color? Dark Brown
9. Hair color? Naturally Dark Brown, Black at the moment
10. Piercing? one in each ear
11. Tattoos? none
12. Best gift you've received? Life
13. Hometown? Cairns, Australia
14. Current Residence? Cairns, Australia
15. Been in Love? Not matter how much I try to force myself to believe any of love, it wasn't. This is probably coming as a shock to those who've been involved with me. After much contemplation (sp?) it's wasn't love. These people have tried to make me think that it wasn't love. That I was kidding myself. I should have listened sooner.
16. Been to Africa? Lions, and tigers, and ummm gazelles. Oh my. No, I haven't.
17. Been toilet papering? No, it's hip to be a square.
18. Been in a car accident? I prefer to call it a car incident.
19. Croutons or Bacon Bits? Bacon Bits.
20. Sprite or 7-up? Neither
21. Favorite Movie? Way too many to name.
22. Favorite Holiday? Christmas
23. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday, don't ask me why.
24. Favorite phrase (or word)? That's understandable
25. Favorite Toothpaste? White Glo
26. Favorite Restaurant? I don't really eat out all that often.
27. Favorite Flower? Sunflower
28. Favorite Drink? Water or Caffiene-Free Diet Cola
29. Favorite Sport to watch? Triathlons.
30. Preferred type of Ice Cream? I don't eat ice-cream much. Vanilla if anything. I like yoghurt.
31. Favorite Sesame Street Character? I can't remember enough of that show to comment.
32. Disney or Warner Bros.? Both :)
33. Favorite Fast Food Restaurant? Red Rooster.
34. When was your last hospital visit? I visited my grandmother there about 2 years ago.
35. What color is your Bedroom Carpet? White tiles.
36. How many times did you fail your G1? I have no idea what that is. (me neither Tim)
37. Who was the last person to email you before this? I can't remember
38. Have you been convicted of a crime? Speeding tickets
39. Which single store would you choose to max out a credit card at? Harvey Normans.
40. What do you do most often when you are bored? I'm constantly bored. I waste time when I'm bored.
41. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the furthest away: I'm not too sure. They're all pretty much the same distance (cop out)
42. Most annoying thing? People who pretend to know about things and don't jump in there and even try it.
43. Bedtime? About 9:30pm
44. Who will respond the Quickest? I copped out (this is an e-mail thing folks) Hah.
45. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to
respond? E-mail responses if you feel the need.
46.Favorite all-time TV show? Oh, geez. This could take forever. Starting in childhood...hehe..right now it's C.S.I. and E.R.
47. Last person you went to dinner with? Jenni, Kelli and Paula.
48. Last movie you saw? Almost Famous.
49. Favorite Music? Easy-going, Pop, Light Alternative, R&B, Country.
50. Favorite Book? Montana 1948, If Life is a Game these are the Rules.
51. What CD is in your player right this second? Grammy Nominees, Josh Joplin Group, Andrew Denton Music Challenge No. 2.
52. Time when you finished? 4:26pm 6/08/2002 04:28:00 PM
2. Name as it appears on your Birth Certificate: I would rather not disclose.
3. Nick Names: Bel (not Bell, Belle, Belly, or Bella - thanks), Sunshine
4. Parent's Name: Garry and Alana
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last Birthday Cake? 21
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? 08 January
7. Pets? Bull Mastiff (Rahb), Shih Tzu (Pookie - I did not name her), Tabby (Thomas my 16 year old cat), black cat (Tabitha), along with fish, birds and house geckos.
8. Eye color? Dark Brown
9. Hair color? Naturally Dark Brown, Black at the moment
10. Piercing? one in each ear
11. Tattoos? none
12. Best gift you've received? Life
13. Hometown? Cairns, Australia
14. Current Residence? Cairns, Australia
15. Been in Love? Not matter how much I try to force myself to believe any of love, it wasn't. This is probably coming as a shock to those who've been involved with me. After much contemplation (sp?) it's wasn't love. These people have tried to make me think that it wasn't love. That I was kidding myself. I should have listened sooner.
16. Been to Africa? Lions, and tigers, and ummm gazelles. Oh my. No, I haven't.
17. Been toilet papering? No, it's hip to be a square.
18. Been in a car accident? I prefer to call it a car incident.
19. Croutons or Bacon Bits? Bacon Bits.
20. Sprite or 7-up? Neither
21. Favorite Movie? Way too many to name.
22. Favorite Holiday? Christmas
23. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday, don't ask me why.
24. Favorite phrase (or word)? That's understandable
25. Favorite Toothpaste? White Glo
26. Favorite Restaurant? I don't really eat out all that often.
27. Favorite Flower? Sunflower
28. Favorite Drink? Water or Caffiene-Free Diet Cola
29. Favorite Sport to watch? Triathlons.
30. Preferred type of Ice Cream? I don't eat ice-cream much. Vanilla if anything. I like yoghurt.
31. Favorite Sesame Street Character? I can't remember enough of that show to comment.
32. Disney or Warner Bros.? Both :)
33. Favorite Fast Food Restaurant? Red Rooster.
34. When was your last hospital visit? I visited my grandmother there about 2 years ago.
35. What color is your Bedroom Carpet? White tiles.
36. How many times did you fail your G1? I have no idea what that is. (me neither Tim)
37. Who was the last person to email you before this? I can't remember
38. Have you been convicted of a crime? Speeding tickets
39. Which single store would you choose to max out a credit card at? Harvey Normans.
40. What do you do most often when you are bored? I'm constantly bored. I waste time when I'm bored.
41. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the furthest away: I'm not too sure. They're all pretty much the same distance (cop out)
42. Most annoying thing? People who pretend to know about things and don't jump in there and even try it.
43. Bedtime? About 9:30pm
44. Who will respond the Quickest? I copped out (this is an e-mail thing folks) Hah.
45. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to
respond? E-mail responses if you feel the need.
46.Favorite all-time TV show? Oh, geez. This could take forever. Starting in childhood...hehe..right now it's C.S.I. and E.R.
47. Last person you went to dinner with? Jenni, Kelli and Paula.
48. Last movie you saw? Almost Famous.
49. Favorite Music? Easy-going, Pop, Light Alternative, R&B, Country.
50. Favorite Book? Montana 1948, If Life is a Game these are the Rules.
51. What CD is in your player right this second? Grammy Nominees, Josh Joplin Group, Andrew Denton Music Challenge No. 2.
52. Time when you finished? 4:26pm 6/08/2002 04:28:00 PM
If you get scared, run off of ICQ and leave messages on my page. I will always think you're mature then.
Am I bitter? Yes. Highly irritated and perhaps a bit demented. 6/07/2002 08:32:00 PM
Am I bitter? Yes. Highly irritated and perhaps a bit demented. 6/07/2002 08:32:00 PM
You've turned into one of those people I added to MSN Messenger and have only talked to once. Let me know if I should deleted you. Memory is precious.
6/07/2002 07:19:00 PM
Acting one way, then ignoring me the next is not a favourable reaction in my books. You know who you are. Thank you for making my day.
6/06/2002 11:17:00 PM
I added some of my old poetry to the commitment section tonight. Fun reading :)
6/05/2002 10:07:00 PM
I'm bored, come and entertain me.
I've started walking in the afternoons, I'm so proud of myself. 6/04/2002 08:50:00 PM
I've started walking in the afternoons, I'm so proud of myself. 6/04/2002 08:50:00 PM
I've thought about updating. The more I think about updating, the more I think about subject matter. The more subject matter I think of, the more my brain feels clogged up. The more it feels clogged, the less I feel like updating.
I was honoured to have an online chat last night with one of the best people I've had the chance to meet through the net. Thank you. You know who you are.
Life is good. I'm happy, for now. 6/03/2002 08:30:00 PM
I was honoured to have an online chat last night with one of the best people I've had the chance to meet through the net. Thank you. You know who you are.
Life is good. I'm happy, for now. 6/03/2002 08:30:00 PM